Keep Moving Forward
I was once told, about 10 years ago, that in order to be happy I needed to keep moving forward. What I took from that statement is this: I am going to keep doing what I need to do and, at some point, the right people will be either keep up with me, find me, or be there wherever I end up. Mind blown - a little bit :-) I have always been more of the kind of person that waited on others. Don't be pushy, Laura, they will come around at some point. Well... most of the time that did not happen.
I've had to do some things that, in some regards, I wish I hadn't - but also, were probably exactly the right thing to do at the moment - in that time. In the last 10 years I have learned a lot about myself - who I am, what I need, what I should and should not sacrifice.
I spent a good portion of my life dealing with instability - and that, I realize now, caused me some trauma. I lived life in fight or flight mode for a long time. This was exacerbated by some specific childhood trauma, as well. Dealing with PTSD for 30+ years allowed me, or caused me, to feel imbalanced and messy - and messy, as in out of control. I fought for control for as many years - potentially more.
I struggled with intimate relationships, eventually got married - had a great marriage and then things just went south for a lot of reasons. It is wasn't just one of us, I'll just say that!
I had one more significant relationship - after I ditched the midwest and moved to North Carolina - but after 6 years I just couldn't do it anymore. Familial duties called and the instability was creeping back in. I had to take control of my life once more.
So I am back and I am, for all intents and purposes, single. I spent the last year thinking and processing and working on myself. I had somehow lost myself again and I needed to re-define. As a mother of 4 amazing kids - my identity had been wife and mom. I love being a mom. It is the one thing I love to do more than anything else. But, they are adults now and although they need me, it is in a different way. I am also a grandmother! Yikes! Two beautiful grandchildren that, honestly, I cannot get enough of!
All that said, I have re-familiarized myself with that statement from years ago. I need to just keep moving forward. I have goals, but they are mostly just options. I have some ideas of what I want and where I need to be as time moves on and I have put those ideas out there to the Universe. I will work on myself and continue to move toward them and, as the red carpet of time unravels slowly, I know I will get to the exact place I should be.
So - you ask - why this blog? Whatcha doin' Lolo? Well - I'm getting out there. SOLO. I know a lot of people do this, so it is nothing new and I don't expect to become famous or get rich on this idea. I just want to keep track of what I'm doing and if I have any lessons learned along the way, I will share them. They may be helpful, they may be a "duh" moment. Either way, I'll have a single place to keep my experiences, thoughts, ideas, photos, videos - whatever.
I'm a 50+ year old, cisgender, heterosexual woman and so far I haven't found a significant other that wants to get out and do shit with me. So I say, WTF - I'm going to get out there and do it on my own. And someone will find me, keep up with me, or meet me somewhere along the line. If they don't? Well, I will still have had all those experiences! It is a Win-Win!
